Know that as I break for a bit I am thankful for every single one of you. Never in a million years did I think I would share the faithfulness of God in this way along with you. Great is His faithfulness His love endures forever!
My King Forever
“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His faithful love endures forever. Give thanks to the God of gods. His faithful love endures forever. Give thanks to the Lord of lords. His faithful love endures forever.”Psalm 136: 1-3
I had a first when I was teaching the other day. A little boy who stole my heart was standing in line to go to the bathroom with the other kids and out of nowhere he dropped to the ground in tears. As he did this I knew the reason was because he had seen something that made him upset but another teacher who hadn’t asked him, “What happened?” To which he responded, “Mrs. Angela pushed me.” I stood there in disbelief. How could he even come up with that one? She asked again knowing this wasn’t the truth. And his response was the same. So as that little lie continued to grow in his mind she decided to take him to the director. He went crying up to the office where they all go when they need a little talk and was asked the same thing. This time it was, “I want you to tell me the truth about what happened so you won’t be in trouble and his response was the same. So as this grace filled director does anytime a little one is pulled in because of choices she decided to pull up the cameras to really show him what he was saying wasn’t matching up with what had happened. Showing him on screen suddenly awakened something in him and that realization was made possible. It wasn’t long after that he came up to me in a totally different posture and said, “Mrs. Angela, I am sorry I lied that you pushed me.” I looked straight into those eyes and told him, “ I love you and I forgive you and I would never push you.”
You stole God’s heart from the beginning of time. His plan has always been to capture you in a way that would show you no matter what He loves you. Forgiveness is given in the asking. A big part of my misunderstanding about God was that He wouldn’t love me even after all the hiding away. He loved me when I chose things that I know broke His heart. He continues to love me even when I forget the things that He has walked me through knowing that I will be in that place again asking, “How are you going to get me through this?” And just like that little guy I can allow the lies to push me around thinking that they belong to me and wear them and take them on and believe them. That camera revealed what really happened just like His Word can shed light on things that remind me, “Your faithful love endures forever.”
Forgiveness isn’t a one time thing. I am learning all those things I tell myself I am surrendering are the very things I continue to hold on. Moving towards grace and forgiveness is moving in a way remembering that heart posture of surrender. I surrender everything. “God I want to completely rest in your promise of all of it.”
I would be nothing without the love of Jesus. The cross he took on was the way for me to live in a way that old Angela gets to be buried and knowing each day I get to wake up and know His faithful love endures forever. Jesus died and took on my life and the sins of my past and all things I will do in the many years to come. It will always be his willingness and compassion of his heart that will allow him to take on my everyday surrender.
Even as I chose to make that decision to live for Jesus at a young age it would be years before I discovered the love of my Father. My old life was filled with shame and guilt. No one was responsible for corrupting my mind and heart; it was my stubborn will that kept me in a place that I felt I couldn’t come back from. Shame and guilt kept me locked down even after that surrender and will still creep in sometimes in ways of attaching itself to situations to my thoughts even knowing my life is new in Christ. That forgiveness is a continual ongoing asking and receiving of all those things in myself that I am learning to release over and surrender to Jesus.
God is not ashamed of you.
He has desired you from the beginning. Not the cleaned up version, the one who recognizes, “I am stuck and I feel like I can’t get out.” The one that feels like there is no other way I am here to testify that Jesus is so much better. They aren’t just words, they are truths that comfort me in a way that is indescribable. Wrapping something around my heart and mind when the chaos comes. This life is never easy but knowing the one over my soul it is well with my soul.
It is a deep fellowship that He desires with each of us. Deep down so when the troubles come we can know the Anchor that holds us steady. The joy of my life is found in Jesus alone. I pray that you will also discover that. That is always my heart when I write and continue to share with all of you. You matter to Jesus. He loves you so much. If you have read something along the way and something is stirring within you to know that kind of relationship I would love to have coffee with you. Seriously reach out to me. As I continue to write everything the Lord places on my heart, I know that every single writing I am learning right along with all of you. You guys always encourage me more than you will ever know. The more I learn the deeper I fall in love with Jesus. He is my Friend. He is my Confidence. He is my Advocate. I pray that you too will discover the love of Jesus; it is like nothing else in this world.
Jesus,
You are the King of my heart. There are so many times in my life I know you intervened because of your love for me. There are so many moments of your faithfulness even when I wasn’t looking. Too many miracles to count. Stopping what was supposed to happen so I could sing of your love forever. If you had not given me a husband that would love me unconditionally it would have been enough. If you had not given me a community of people to live this life with and not shown me what that love is, it would have been enough. If you had not given me a love to write and not given people to share that with, it would have been enough. You are so faithful Jesus. You are worthy of it all so thank you Jesus for all that you have done, will do, and forever being the King of my heart.
Tell Him why He is enough. He is listening.
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