Speed of Love

 Speed of Love

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not my ways.”This is the LORD’S declaration. “For as heaven is higher than earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

What would it look like to daily surrender things to God? That is where I feel the Lord speaking to me lately. Daily.

Walking by faith is purposeful but never easy. 

I was made with this internal need to know things. I want to know why things don’t go according to my plan and why things happen the way they do. I can fight to not know but in the end it will be an internal need to know. Does anyone else struggle with this ability to let the Lord control things? My feelings are really bad at allowing the Lord room to speak into things. They too can throw me off course and the enemy is always waiting for me to take the bait to allow those feelings to take over.

Something that is planned can go awry at any minute. I had this happen recently. I was all set to do something when I got a call to tell me those were no longer the plans. This happened to be  something that was pretty important but again not something I could control. My immediate response was, “But I want that to happen.” As I sat in reality having my little temper tantrum someone I love said, “I can’t wait to see how this turns out. This just means that God is going to do something.” I didn’t want God to do something. I didn’t want to continue to trust that he was in control of this.  And then as I started praying,”God I will continue to trust even when this doesn’t make sense” something started to settle within the restlessness I was feeling. 

“Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began.” Psalm 139:16

God’s timing will be something I can’t rush. His timing accomplishes what God sees to do within my life but it is my willingness to allow that. Most days I won’t recognize that it is only when I ask for God to show me in situations how He can then reveal that to me. 

There is always a purpose in the plan and I won’t always like that. He isn't concerned about fixing my problem. He is concerned about developing that deep relationship with me.  This particular situation was resolved in a way I had not seen coming.  It was that surrender of letting it go to make a phone call and then find out what I was set to do was actually going to happen. I didn’t have to wait to see how it was going to work out like I thought. Instead, he was giving me an answer in His time. His thoughts will always be higher than mine. And His ways will always be higher than mine but allowing Him to have that space to lead will always be up to me.

So where am I expecting God to go at my speed instead of staying in step with His Spirit? 

Ask Him. 

Father,

I confess those things I want to fix. Search me and know me to walk in step with you knowing your speed is perfect. I will give thanks to you with all my heart and trust in you alone.

Amen

 

 

Depths of His Love

 

  Depths of His Love

“For God has imprisoned all in disobedience so that he may have mercy on all. Oh, the depth of the riches both of wisdom and of the knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments and untraceable his ways!” Romans 11:32-33

I came from disobedience. I have always been bent towards the ways I want to follow. I needed to recognize my need for a Savior before anything else could occur within my life.  Mercy was always God’s plan. It still is.

What does mercy look like? 

Mercy looks nothing like me and it is about Jesus. Mercy was displayed on the cross and mercy floods through the heart of God. Mercy runs deep. I deserved death and penalty for all my wrongdoing and instead God chose to give me Mercy.

Think about that.  I don’t really like to go there a lot of times thinking of what could have been. Even today in what sometimes will overwhelm my thoughts I will want to go straight to myself. That is what the enemy is hoping I will do. Take the bait of making it all about me.

Just today I read that question in a book I am reading. Who do you spend your most time thinking about? Me. Where I am going in life. Circumstances, health, you name it that is all focused on me. I am starting to realize I was never supposed to know the outcome. His understanding and wisdom is beyond what I need to know. That one is a really hard one to grasp. But in reality it really doesn’t matter because I am not in control. God knows where everything is supposed to go. I am at the mercy of being under His Authority.

Father,

It is all about you. Forgive me when I forget that and make it about myself. Jesus we have redemption because of your blood poured out for us. We receive forgiveness according to the riches of grace that were richly poured out on us with all wisdom and understanding. Mercy covers us. Mercy brings us back to you. Let us picture that mercy of your unending lavishing love that pours over our hearts and minds. That depth of your love God for all mankind made alive in us so that they too may know the riches of your love. 

Picture that Mercy on display. 

 

Step Into Victory

 

Step Into Victory

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:33-34

What would my days look like if I stepped into knowing it was already provided? 

When we go do prison ministry we are never sure what that night will look  like. There is always our plan and then there is God’s plan. Even as we had planned communion one particular night for the residents and a teaching, it became apparent upon arrival that none of that was happening. It is always a reality check walking into their chapel when we are greeted with big smiles and once again the reminder these residents have been here a long time. The room can feel familiar with faces and sometimes I can forget the reality they are in. It is always our prayer to move out of the way and allow the Holy Spirit to speak through us and this particular night God was bringing a powerful testimony from someone that knew what it felt like to be where they were. Whenever God is always going to move the enemy will attempt to move in but once again we witnessed the power of God moving within the room. Even before the testimony was shared we got to worship with them but if I am being honest it is hard to achieve that heart posture in prison sometimes. I find myself getting very distracted around all I see and where I am at times. But then God shows up. As I looked up on the screen was a familiar face leading us that night in the video. And from the first word she sang something began to settle within my heart and within that prison chapel. Because that is what the power of God does. He shows up. What followed that was even more powerful as they heard the transformative  power of spoken testimony that witnessed a new life in Christ. Someone who had known the life that they had was now known in a way that reflected the heart of Christ. She spoke in a way of knowing Jesus as her Savior. 

“Where, death, is your victory?” Where, death, is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through the Lord Jesus Christ!” 1 Corinthians 15:55-56

He never changes and His ability to provide never does. It is our choice to allow Him to provide new life in Christ He won’t ever force that. His death brought us victory! Victory over it all has been provided for us through Jesus Christ. We must trust in His faithfulness and pray and watch Him move. Like those residents who heard, “The only One who hasn’t failed me yet” in those lyrics that settled something within them. They were still there in that place but God was moving within their hearts and then you saw what I always see. Unabandoned worship of lifting hands and hearts to believing that is who our God is and He has the power to change it all. He still has the power to change it all. 

We step into that victory. Authority over it all. Anxiety, fears, doubts those things we think we are hiding away that He can already see and knows how to deliver us from.  Over everything we face in this world and He says, “Give that over so I can give you peace.” No other god is like that. There is no other name like our King Jesus. 

Father,

Thank you for our purpose of knowing your heart for others. When we learn your ways we can live knowing that we can step into that victory each and everyday. That is who we live for. That is our Kingdom purpose. Lead us and guide us to know you more and make us like Jesus. So that they too can know you as Victory. 

Amen

I Have Seen

 

 I Have Seen

“I have asked one thing from the LORD; it is what I desire: to dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, gazing on the beauty of the LORD and seeking him in his temple.” Psalm 27:4

I was on the playground with the kids today and looked up to see two birds sitting right next to each other. The birds weren’t far from the ground and underneath were kids crowding around and looking up at them. It caused me to stop and notice because kids are noisy yet these birds just stayed where they were at. I heard a couple boys starting to come up with a plan to let those birds know they were there and they needed to leave. They were going to start scaring them and thought if maybe they could reach that limb it would scare them off. I just watched because these birds just stayed together. Right next to one another until one decided they might be in danger and decided maybe those kids underneath might be a bigger threat then they realized. 

David wrote this Psalm. David knew who to call to. In the middle of combat he knew that the one thing he needed was God. He had every reason to panic and hide away and yet he knew that what was threatening him wasn’t bigger than His God. The LORD was his light and salvation. His confidence wasn’t in what he was encountering all around him; his confidence was in God. He had filled his heart with the goodness and greatness of God. Maybe like those birds that wouldn’t separate, that is how I stand fighting in this world. Knowing right beside me I am hidden and protected in the Presence of God. 

What threatens my wholehearted devotion to God? 

Sometimes it is where I put my focus or what I give attention to within my mind and heart.

I will look around at what everyone else is doing and start comparing myself. Or maybe what they can do and I can’t. Allowing that to start playing like a tape that can’t be shut off. Instead of staying close and abiding I will find myself distracting myself in social media instead of just sitting with the Lord and allowing Him to calm my mind and heart.

What if I like David remembered. “I am certain that I will see the LORD’s goodness in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart be courageous. Wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:13-14

Father,

Waiting is hard. There are some quick fixes I would love to see come about. But you aren’t about fixing things you are about teaching me dependency on you alone. When everything around me feels like it is threatening my peace, remind me that you are my Peace. I have seen your goodness more times than I can recall. When I want to move away from you, remind me to stay close. You are always watching over us. Just like those birds, nothing separates us from the love you have for us. You are Goodness. 

Amen

Amazing Grace

 Amazing Grace

“For if, while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of his Son, then how much more, having been reconciled, will we be saved by his life. And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, whom we have now received this reconciliation.” Romans 5: 10-11

I was watching a couple of preschoolers yesterday and waited to see if they could work out the problem on their own. Sitting at the table I could see them working with their playdough making it into all sorts of things when one of them spoke up, “You are not in charge, I can make what I want.” To which the little girl responded, “ I am not telling you what to do.” They both have characteristics of something I have seen before. The one boy took forever to gain trust with me and the little bossy one is one who is so quick to call out whatever someone is doing that shouldn’t be happening. A lot like I am.

I have a reconciling Spirit within me but it is up to me to allow that reconciliation. “Repentance drives our faith to virtue and character.” That was what someone said this morning that struck me in a way that I could see how what I do allows me to drive my thoughts and feelings and that  can be the very thing that stands in the way for that reconciliation to occur within my heart. I am like both those kids in many ways. I want to put those feelings and thoughts away and dismiss them and it is only gaining that trust I can begin to understand His amazing grace for me. Choosing to allow those things to fall into the arms of my Savior. 

I don’t know about you but it isn’t like I just look for conflict and difficulty to show up, it just shows up on the door of my heart. I don’t go looking for it yet it will find me time and time again. Been there? Sometimes it seems like all those things I attempt to push away are the very things that will begin to consume me. I know there is an enemy of my mind and sometimes I will play around with the idea that I can solve it on my own instead of bringing it to the One that goes before me.

Have you ever thought about that? Jesus goes before us when we are in Christ. That “course correction is necessary and keeps us in His Lane.” Asking for His leading. Recognizing that He is the one who is the Driver. Driving all those feelings. Driving all the outcomes. “Keep me steady and focused on you alone King Jesus.” 

Where could the Lord be using those things in your life to reveal His Virtue and Character? 

Allow Him to be in control, let Him be your focus.

 

My King Forever

 Know that as I break for a bit I am thankful for every single one of you. Never in a million years did I think I would share the faithfulness of God in this way along with you. Great is His faithfulness His love endures forever!

My King Forever

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His faithful love endures forever. Give thanks to the God of gods. His faithful love endures forever. Give thanks to the Lord of lords. His faithful love endures forever.”Psalm 136: 1-3

I had a first when I was teaching the other day. A little boy who stole my heart was standing in line to go to the bathroom with the other kids and out of nowhere he dropped to the ground in tears. As he did this I knew the reason was because he had seen something that made him upset but another teacher who hadn’t asked him, “What happened?” To which he responded, “Mrs. Angela pushed me.” I stood there in disbelief. How could he even come up with that one? She asked again knowing this wasn’t the truth. And his response was the same. So as that little lie continued to grow in his mind she decided to take him to the director. He went crying up to the office where they all go when they need a little talk and was asked the same thing. This time it was, “I want you to tell me the truth about what happened so you won’t be in trouble and his response was the same. So as this grace filled  director does anytime a little one is pulled in because of choices she decided to pull up the cameras to really show him what he was saying wasn’t matching up with what had happened. Showing him on screen suddenly awakened something in him and that realization was made possible. It wasn’t long after that he came up to me in a totally different posture and said, “Mrs. Angela, I am sorry I lied that you pushed me.” I looked straight into those eyes and told him, “ I love you and I forgive you and I would never push you.” 

You stole God’s heart from the beginning of time. His plan has always been to capture you in a way that would show you no matter what He loves you. Forgiveness is given in the asking. A big part of my misunderstanding about God was that He wouldn’t love me even after all the hiding away. He loved me when I chose things that I know broke His heart. He continues to  love me even when I forget the things that He has walked me through knowing that I will be in that place again asking, “How are you going to get me through this?” And just like that little guy I can allow the lies to push me around thinking that they belong to me and wear them and take them on and believe them. That camera revealed what really happened just like His Word can shed light on things that remind me, “Your faithful love endures forever.” 

Forgiveness isn’t a one time thing. I am learning all those things I tell myself I am surrendering are the very things I continue to hold on. Moving towards grace and forgiveness is moving in a way remembering that heart posture of surrender. I surrender everything. “God I want to  completely rest in your promise of all of it.” 

I would be nothing without the love of Jesus. The cross he took on was the way for me to live in a way that old Angela gets to be buried and knowing each day I get to wake up and know His faithful love endures forever. Jesus died and took on my life and the sins of my past and all things I will do in the many years to come. It will always be his willingness and compassion of his heart that will allow him to take on my everyday surrender. 

Even as I chose to make that decision to live for Jesus at a young age it would be years before I discovered the love of my Father. My old life was filled with shame and guilt. No one was responsible for corrupting my mind and heart; it was my stubborn will that kept me in a place that I felt I couldn’t come back from. Shame and guilt kept me locked down even after that surrender and will still creep in sometimes in ways of attaching itself to situations to my thoughts even knowing my life is new in Christ. That forgiveness is a continual ongoing asking and receiving of all those things in myself that I am learning to release over and surrender to Jesus. 

God is not ashamed of you.

 He has desired you from the beginning. Not the cleaned up version, the one who recognizes, “I am stuck and I feel like I can’t get out.” The one that feels like there is no other way I am here to testify that Jesus is so much better. They aren’t just words, they are truths that comfort me in a way that is indescribable. Wrapping something around my heart and mind when the chaos comes. This life is never easy but knowing the one over my soul it is well with my soul. 

It is a deep fellowship that He desires with each of us. Deep down so when the troubles come we can know the Anchor that holds us steady. The joy of my life is found in Jesus alone. I pray that you will also discover that. That is always my heart when I write and continue to share with all of you. You matter to Jesus. He loves you so much. If you have read something along the way and something is stirring within you to know that kind of relationship I would love to have coffee with you. Seriously reach out to me. As I continue to write everything the Lord places on my heart, I know that every single writing I am learning right along with all of you. You guys always encourage me more than you will ever know. The more I learn the deeper I fall in love with Jesus. He is my Friend. He is my Confidence. He is my Advocate. I pray that you too will discover the love of Jesus; it is like nothing else in this world. 

Jesus,

You are the King of my heart. There are so many times in my life I know you intervened because of your love for me. There are so many moments of your faithfulness even when I wasn’t looking. Too many miracles to count. Stopping what was supposed to happen so I could sing of your love forever. If you had not given me a husband that would love me unconditionally it would have been enough. If you had not given me a community of people to live this life with and not shown me what that love is, it would have been enough. If you had not given me a love to write and not given people to share that with, it would have been enough. You are so faithful Jesus. You are worthy of it all so thank you Jesus for all that you have done, will do, and forever being the King of my heart. 

Tell Him why He is enough.  He is listening. 

Children of the Light

Children of the Light

The light of day has once been extended. We wake up in the dark and it stays dark longer but springing forward has the benefit of more day light at night. The days are longer with the light and as the temperatures rise and if you are like me you will notice your mood changing. It is more of a feeling when I can see the grass get greener and the buds start appearing and start blooming once again. The feel of the warmth of the sun returns and even as I sit and type I can feel my spirit lift as I look around. The birds even seem to sing a new song like they also know what is coming. Dead things are coming back to life. 

“For you were once in darkness, but now you are the light in the Lord. Live as children of light for the fruit of the light consists of all goodness, righteousness, and truth testing what is pleasing to the Lord.” Ephesians 5: 8-9

Light in the Lord. Light led by the Lord. Living as light is so different from what I hear. I hear live for myself. But God calls me to live in His Light. Light that exposes my darkness. That has been something He has been teaching me lately. The closer I grow to Him the more I recognize what lies hidden within my heart and mind. I never really thought about that way but as He continues to show me this it is that constant reminder how much I need Him. 

I won’t get that from the world. The enemy is going to work overtime wanting me to understand why things happen the way they do. Or thinking I need to jump in with my understanding or input to how it should work out. God does call me to pray, be diligent, be mindful but never once does He tell me to take understanding into my own hands. I guess learning more about His is knowing that mine will never measure up and it shouldn’t because I am not in charge. He is.

Can you picture us as Children of the Light in this world? What would that look like as we step out each day? 

“Jesus spoke to them again: “I am the light of the world. Anyone who follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

Ordinary people in their ordinary positions sent out for others to see God’s love. Visible light in this world. Empowered by the Living Spirit and living in ways that others would gravitate toward our light and want to know more. Impossible to hide like a “city on a hill” together as One united in Christ Jesus.

Jesus,

You are the only thing worthy in this world to keep living in a way that doesn’t make sense to the rest of this world. You are the Light of this world. Let our light shine before others so that they can see your good works and give glory to our Father in heaven. It is all for you King Jesus.

Amen