God Came Down

 God Came Down

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come on you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” Acts 1:8

The disciples went from following Jesus to being supernatural witnesses of Jesus Christ. The end of Luke tells them what was to come and what the Father promised that they would be empowered by the Holy Spirit. 

“The role of the Holy Spirit moves from promise to presence and from occasional intervention to permanent indwelling and directing. Where Jesus once taught and directed the activity of the disciples, now the Holy Spirit gives their movement and gives them movement and gives them power in their ministry.” (From Gospels to Glory) 

Once and awhile I will feel the drawback to looking at old journals. And learning more about how the Old Testament teaches us about life with God works and the New Testament was the Bible Jesus read. It causes me to look back on my life. God always told them to remember and He does the same with us so I took out a book I  journaled in from going on a mission trip to El Savador in 2018. The span from the entries went from 2018 to 2021.  I could see what I was learning through God’s word starting to click in areas. One little entry from 2018 said,  “Lord, Thank you for this opportunity to come here. Help us to continue to love as you love. I pray these people will begin a relationship with you.” Because that is where it begins. We have to make that decision if we want to live for Jesus. We have to be tired of our ways and be ready for something new. Even back in 2018 as I was continuing to watch how God worked I would go many more years without the realization that the Holy Spirit was the one who would work and not me. A partnership learning what my role is and His is. I can glance further into that journal and read sermons I took notes on, “We don’t want to get sassy and lazy.” This must have been something that was very important because as it was bolded and in a rectangle.  Who knows what was going on around then but I was never going to stop that from happening on my own. I was getting a little of what part the Holy Spirit played but not the whole message. Yes, no one needs to get sassy and lazy but my job isn’t to work toward that on my own in my own strength  it is asking God, “Father show me where I am becoming lazy and sassy and reveal where I need to remove what is preventing me from giving you whole hearted obedience.” Some of those notes I didn’t even recognize that heart, only the handwriting let me know that was coming from me. I share this because I was getting the knowledge but I wasn’t getting to know God. That was the turning point. As I grew deeper in my relationship with God I could see how the journal entries became more of allowing the Holy Spirit to work within me to change my heart and make know His heart. 

There was a big shift in those entries. Learning His Word and getting it deep down into my core it became Living and Active. It was around that time I was learning about how eternally He was building into me fruit that began to show outwardly. That one day as I was doing my bible study. I was learning about worrying that week. The question, “Is it harder to have internal fruit or external?” When we stay connected to the vine Jesus produces the fruit. I thought definitely internal and that is when I looked up at the tree and it looked “off.” And looking back that was when my brain was going into flare mode and that was the moment it all changed. That was my complete takeover when I lost all control and God moved me to a place to reveal His heart for me. 

This entry was written the night I went into the ER with stroke-like symptoms. It was still during the Covid era when beds weren’t always available. So I spent a night in the ER. This is the entry shortly after returning home I left the scattered thoughts in it because that too shows where I was at the time.

August 9, 2021

“That night I experienced the peace of all understanding. I remember thinking I know you are with me in this ER and I am scared but I will just start praying for everyone in here. I remember thinking, “Ok Lord internal fruit when I heard that lady cry out I prayed, “Lord help her.” I remember thinking why can’t I snap out of this? I laid there that night knowing prayers were covering me. No one came to check on me. I remember thinking something is happening. That nurse looked in the window and gave me a thumbs up and I remember thinking, “I am not ok” but he just moved on. That next morning a nurse came in and quickly took action. She cared for me. I had NOT been forgotten. That morning a slew of doctors started coming in. They wanted to run more tests and one of the nurses said MS. Everyone was in the room and I remember her saying MS and shaking my head. The MS nurse pushed to do more testing and explained that the second MRI with dye would light up the “white matter” it would reveal if I had MS and it did. They had found “white matter” on my brain and spinal cord. I went to the first MRI and was thankful I was out of it but that second MRI four hours later I remember being much harder. They asked me what music to play and I requested worship music but even in that I laid there praying knowing everything was about to change. I told the Lord. I was ok and do whatever it was. From there I was moved to the ER to the fifth floor and I was surrounded by angels. I remember that first bag of steroids that calmed the inflammation and brought me back to life. Eric was so thankful to see that. He got to leave that night knowing I was ok. From there they continued to run more tests and treat me with steroids. My release day was Friday and I begged the doctors, nurses, whoever would listen to me to make it earlier. I wanted to be out in time to go to worship team practice. I was on the team that Sunday. I am sure they thought I was crazy. But God moved. The nurse that prayed it would happen shared she had just gone back to church for the first time and her husband came. God moved the neurologist to the doctors who knew I needed to get to a “church function” so I was able to get out by one on Thursday. God was ALL over that place. And never once did He leave me. And He knows when we give praise to Him He releases our burdens, our fears, and ALL the unknowns. He goes before us and he is always with us. He prepares the way. So at fourty-five it does look different today. The oldest is going off to college and our lives are changing in ways we never thought. But God knew. He knew at fourty-five my life would change. He placed us where He placed did for such a time as this. He knows our struggles down the road and that this will not be easy. But we can choose to glorify Him through it all. We can choose to say, “It is well.” We can choose to praise Him in these storms. I think that is why leading worship is salve to my soul. To be able to say with all of me that you are God and sit on that throne. You will accomplish whatever that is.” 

Then this verse. “So if you have been raised with Christ, see the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things, For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you will appear with him in glory.” Colossians 3:1-4

Looking back at that frantic handwriting I could see how those little nuggets started planting something so deep down that began to take root. After that diagnosis God was showing me that the Holy Spirit was with me at all times. Every single moment. He is always with us.

We all have our stories. The Holy Spirit in us draws us closer and closer as we are being made more like Jesus. Allowing His Spirit that full access to our hearts gives permission to let those other things die in us. That is what He was showing me and still does. Fear, anxiety, and doubt is something I don’t have to wear. I can go to Him as a child and tell Him, “Father I am scared but your word tells me not to fear.” Father, I feel alone but you tell me you are my Shepherd and never leave me.” Our lives start looking more like Jesus and exactly what the Lord was planning since the beginning of time. Peace. Security. Rest. Because the more we invite the Holy Spirit the more He comes in. Together.

See that is the most exciting part. We all have a part to play in His story. No one else can tell His story. 

That was God’s plan all along. We can all look back at our lives and see God’s Hand all over it. The more time we spend getting to know the heart of God the deeper we fall in love with Him. That is the only thing that has happened through this writing. His Holy Spirit in me and working to accomplish what He wanted through a girl who never wrote who was diagnosed with MS to tell the story of His faithfulness through others. To release control of myself every single day so He can continue to tell my story. I was never in control and never will be but I know the One who is..

Once again as I break and rest I want to thank you for all your continued prayers, encouragement along the way. You each have played a part in what God continues to do in and through me and together we get to be encouraged in our stories.  Never underestimate the power of words with one another. Merry Christmas celebrate the gift of His Son that came down so we could live with one another knowing that the best is yet to come. See that is the greatest part that we get to anchor our Joy in the coming King Jesus! 

See you guys back in a bit. 

Love,

Angela