Shepherd Of My Heart

  Shepherd of My Heart

“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.” John 16:33

What would it look like if we trusted that everything belongs to Him? Like all of it. The good, the bad and all in between. Our whole lives belonged to God. 

If we lived in a way that our words and actions would just flow from a heart that said, “ I can trust that what you finish will be accomplished, Lord, so let it be done.” No matter what we would just embrace the good and bad like there isn’t a difference. What would that look like to others that don’t know Jesus? 

I have to concentrate when I walk sometimes. My husband will say, “You are focused on walking” to which I will reply, “I am because I don’t want to trip.” The physical walk can be challenging depending on what the day is like. I am learning even more than that physical walk, my spiritual one is so much more important. And that reminder to focus has become this rhythm of knowing what comes against me when I am not kept steady. The enemy would love for me to stumble and trip and fall prey to his lies more than anything. The Bible says that he prowls around like a roaring lion waiting to devor his prey. 

Nothing can stand in the way of the Lord. No weapon formed against us shall remain. Before Jesus went to the cross he spoke the words in the verse above knowing what it would take for our freedom and his sacrifice was required to keep us from stumbling. Allowing His voice to be the one that guides us each day. Living in this world and inviting Him every moment to guide us. “Father, I know you are with me remind my heart of your Steadfastness when I am so unsteady.  I will picture that sometimes when I am walking when I become wobbly or unsteady. Jesus right beside me. Sometimes in the middle of the night when thoughts attempt to overtake me I will remind my heart. “Father, I am held by you. You are with me. 

“But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on the wings on eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

When I trust in the LORD I can soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, and walk and not faint. Even hearing that word run is something I don't for fear of tripping and it can bring to mind feelings of lacking.  And boy does the enemy love for us to focus on those outward things. What is happening on the inside of us is what matters. He can make something new out of nothing. Making us more like Jesus every single day in those very places I tend to hide away.  Where I lack He can come in and fill it with Peace and Security. Delivering me from all my fears because knowing whatever I face He is with me. Learning that dependence doesn’t come from within me but from Him alone. He works everything good for His purpose. No matter what we face we can trust dependence is leaning into Jesus and recognizing focusing our eyes on him is what can hold us secure. Looking into his radiant face and seeing our lives in a way that reflects the mind of Christ. Good, Pleasing, and Joyful because we are in Christ.  Even more important than our physical bodies is our minds. Reminding ourselves that in the places where we can’t find understanding His can be learned. His ways aren’t ours. Learning together that what we face together can make God’s ways known to everyone that sees us in ways we don’t care for others to see. Those are the good plans He has even when they don’t feel good. God is so much more than my feelings. His Character traits will always trump my feelings. Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father and Prince of Peace. 

Walking is how I started this journey. I decided to share walking a 5k walk with everyone around me. That is when the writing started. It was during that time I was learning what it meant to have conversation with God and  walking with the Lord through everything. Telling him everything I was thinking and feeling. The struggles, insecurities, and fears.  Stopping along the walk reminding myself to rest, reset, and begin again. In the walk he met my insecurities and would comfort my heart. The Strength came from Him.  And the day of that 5K is something I will never forget. Going the whole distance and not stopping. I had never been able to do that the whole time training but that day He just kept me going. Those shaky last steps I was greeted by people who prayed for me and cheered me on the whole time. Some I met that helped me gain the strength to go the distance and some that had been there for many years. Crossing that finish line was something I will never forget and will forever be etched within my mind. And even as I am here again in a place where walking distances has once again become something I have to work towards I know that as hard as that is it was never about the distance walking. It was always about Jesus meeting me in all of it where I lack. And it still hold true today. The heart posture that continues to believe no matter what he is with me. We all walk with things in our lives that throw us off balance, shake us, and cause us to stumble and trip. Things that don’t seem possible to walk in can become opportunities to walk with Jesus. For Jesus to renew our Strength daily. That is what he is continuing to speak to my heart. “Daily is a heart posture Angela don’t go before me.” 

Sometimes I picture him as a Shepherd. Shepherd is one of my favorites names for Jesus. Right next to me. Holding me, protecting me, keeping the enemy away from me and reminding my mind anxious thoughts don’t belong to me. “Your ways Lord make them known to me, guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God that saves me.” Gathering me in his arms when I become overwhelmed or fatigued. Staying close and gently leading me. “I’ve got you child.” “Stay close.” 

“He protects his flock like a shepherd; he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them in the fold of his garment. He gently leads those who are nursing.” Isaiah 40:11

That is my Shepherd. The One who counsels my heart and guides my steps. The One who tells me, “ Don’t be afraid I am with you and will provide everything you need to walk this.” The Shepherd of my heart.

 

Perfectly Placed

      Perfectly Placed

“This is what the LORD says: If I do not keep my covenant with the day and with the night, and If I fail to establish the fixed order of heaven and earth, then I might reject the descendants of David. That is, I would not take rulers from his descendents of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob. But in fact, I will restore their fortunes and have compassion on them.  Jeremiah 33:25-26

Restoration has always been the plan. His plans cannot be derailed. 

The above verse. The words fixed order kept jumping out. God continued to remind them, “Look I set the day and the night in order so why wouldn’t I keep my promise with you?” That is the one thing that will always stand out. God who created the heavens and the earth sets everything in motion. God is still God. Think of the birds. Something that we see every single day is a reminder of God’s Faithfulness. They don’t worry about food, shelter, and water because God provides for them. Something I see every single day should be the reminder, “Remember child I got you.” 

Look around. What do you see?

He is the God of Promise. Jesus is the Light of the world. We are the Light in this world. 

“It’s about how we hold God before us and how we live from a place of being held by Him.” (Strahan  Coleman) 

God is more than a feeling. I recently have been learning more about how what He requires from me is to be still. Just be with Him. Prayer needs to be me sitting and having conversation with Him not me with my lists. It seems simple yet I find myself wanting to do more. My feelings will always be there but God has been working on me understanding that feeling things is how He created me but even more those quiet silent moments are what He has given me to remember that He is there. That not experiencing feelings of Him being near is actually a really good thing and the quiet of not feeling His Spirit near is when I can know Him more. Faith. 

Inviting Him to know Him more. Sitting with Him and being held. Slowing down enough to see where he was working. 

So what do we do with the silence? We remind ourselves. We look to creation and remember. We look at all the things He has done. He has a fixed plan and that still remains. Invite Him into the silence. 

“He is before all things, and by him all things hold together.” Colossians 1:17 

Delight in the Word

 Delight in the Word

“Your words were found, and I ate them. Your words became a delight to me and the joy of my heart, for I bear your name, LORD God of Armies.” Jeremiah 15:16

At what point did my appetite change? I have always had a love for God’s Word. Even before understanding the power of it I would compete as a kid in bible drill. I would compete with other kids memorizing scripture or trying to find a bible verse in a competition.  I am thankful when I look back at those seeds that were planted. It would be many years later when I understood that God’s word was made so that I could understand His ways and it was to protect me. To guard my thoughts. The Living God gives us the gift of His word so we can understand the heart of God and His love for us. The enemy would go through any lengths to get us to believe that our way is better but when we get that Living Word in us it can change us to become more like Jesus. I want to know God. Not just knowledge about Him but to know Him. The more I know His heart the more I can understand the joy and delight of living for Jesus. Sitting with Him asking Him to reveal what He means through the written word. 

I can delight in His Word or delight in the world. I’ve tasted both. That word eat in the verse above brings to mind consume and to feed myself. With MS my diet has changed over time. I have noticed foods that cause inflammation in my body can make symptoms more noticeable. I started realizing this even before I was diagnosed and was adjusting my diet. Foods that I had consumed before regularly were wearing me down and making me feel bad. So I decided to get more disciplined with food and I wasn’t diagnosed till five more years down the road. Also during that time I was learning to take verses and put them on a notecard. Bible verses that told me not to fear that would accompany everywhere I went. That Living Word started to plant deeply within my heart.  And when that diagnosis came I had a choice. I was either going to believe my brain and fear or I was going to believe in the faithfulness of God and how He has never left me.  It wasn’t something I recognized right away and the fear was my first thoughts until I remembered. I was on my way to meet some women weeks after my diagnosis.  I told the Lord, “The brain Lord that is really scary.” I remember that one thought, “Why would the Lord leave me now in this diagnosis if He didn’t leave me back then when I turned my back on Him?” And next was  my heart responding in remembrance “He controls everything why do I not believe He can control my brain?” And that was a turning point for me when I recognized the power of transformation. Having a mind of Christ is an ongoing process of taking my understanding and learning to become more like Jesus every single day. Day in and day out. 

We can give Him our thoughts. Tell Him yours. 

He invites us to do this.  The enemy wants us to hold on to things and let that thought just linger. What does lingering produce? For me it becomes this overwhelming feeling that leads to more feelings. I can stop the enemy in his tracks when I begin observing my thoughts. When I hear a negative loop of negative lies, insecurity and unworthiness that isn’t a voice from God. Taking those thoughts captive and replacing them with who He is.  Father, you are Good. Peace. Holy. Just. Authority of what I am thinking and feeling. God wants to hear us speak to Him. He delights just hearing our voice. “Father I am feeling anxious about this next step but Lord you tell me you will never leave my side.” “I trust in you and don’t want to depend on my understanding to help me to seek your direction.” He will show you. Ask Him. 

Father,

It is our responsibility to seek you alone. To desire you above all else doesn’t come naturally. A mind soaked in your truth brings us delight that the world can’t bring us. Help us to sit and just be with you.  That is what you desire. To know us more than anything else. Prayer is about resting in your goodness and faithfulness. Prayer is the way we can delight in you Lord. We trust you for the things we cannot see. We get to take refuge in you alone. Let that be a reminder to run to you when we fear. “I will trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways I want to know you and believe that you will guide the way you desire for me to go.” Thank you Jesus that your ways are good, right, and true. 

Amen

 

Being With Jesus

   Being With Jesus

“And that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, I pray that you, being firmly established in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God’s love, and to know Christ’s love that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17

Jesus is more interested in my inner life. The life I was made to have with him is the Holy Spirit in me learning what that means to follow his direction. It doesn’t matter what direction my job is to follow. 

If you know me I am directionally challenged. A Kentucky girl moved to Ohio more than twenty years ago still struggles to find her way around without my GPS. And sometimes still listening to that voice and seeing that direction I will find myself missing the turn to have to turn around. My life has been rerouted in a way that I don’t do the same thing I did and I am not even with the same people yet God still directs me the different ways I am to go. The changes He has made have opened more doors for Jesus to work within my life. In that process I am growing more dependent on the Lord and learning what it means to be filled with the fullness of God. 

Even greater something else is happening. Being with Jesus is teaching me to move out of the way so he can move into unfamiliar places that only he could have access to. To strangers that now have become people I am getting to know and praying for daily. To still doing something I love but just doing it in a different way that causes me to stand back and watch, listen, wait, and hear where He desires for me to stay. So close to him and knowing he will lead me. 

He just wants us to BE with Him. 

That is something He has been teaching me lately. Not striving instead trusting. Striving is me getting in the way and trusting allowing him to lead. I felt the Lord say that, “Angela I don’t need you to think that you are needed there.” As much as things are good sometimes He has been teaching me that limits are necessary and they give opportunities to open different doors. I was recently asked the question. “How has MS affected you?” And as crazy as this writing and sharing has been, that question was asked from an article editor from Crossroads Church that is publishing an article I wrote that I didn’t even remember sharing. I took that question and the enemy wanted me focusing on things that feel  discouraging and hard so many times. But as I sat with that question for a while I felt the Lord asking, “How has MS affected you?” And even in the middle of the night I knew that answer. He has taught me he is always with me. It has affected me in the way of letting go of things and creating new limitations within my life but in that God has given me new opportunities and opened new doors in the middle of the diagnosis. I am spiritually healed in the way of knowing that whatever happens Jesus is always with me and meets me in the struggles and challenges all along the way.  It has given me joy knowing that His goodness and love never leave my side no matter what. In return my story has been used to encourage so many others seeing the faithfulness of God in what happens through anything we go through in our lives. 

He is always with us. Recall those times in your life. The ones that don’t make sense. The ones that didn’t seem like there could be a way out. Thank Him. 

We are His story of His faithfulness. Go tell His story.

 

I Will Remember

 I Will Remember

“My soul, bless the LORD, and all that is within me, bless his holy name. My soul, bless the LORD, and do not forget all his benefits. He forgives all your iniquity; he heals all your diseases. He redeems your life from the Pit; he crowns you with faithful love and compassion.” Psalm 103: 1-4

God focuses on the inner parts of us who we become, our thoughts, and our character. Who I was before my relationship with God is always what I need to remember when I look around at this world. Satan will fight this mindset every single day because he wants me looking at everyone else with judgmental eyes and judgmental hearts. But praise Jesus I was delivered from the pit and stay delivered because I know my Redeemer and He crowns me with faithful love and compassion every single day. 

Nothing is wasted. God uses it all. We are living proof of His Mercy. The enemy knows that. He works overtime so we will forget. Sometimes it can feel dark. Sometimes those feelings can’t be dismissed. But the transformation that happens as Jesus draws us closer is that we become more like him in the way that we see things. We become the Mercy of God on display. Look around where He can display that.

We become that Mercy when we move into that place loving people with God’s love. He reveals His love in and through us. We become His Light so the world can see Jesus. But so many times I want to move into that place of allowing the Lord to love them. I think my way is better when the only way they will see Jesus is me moving out of the way so the Holy Spirit in me can move into to show compassion and mercy. Lord forgive my judgmental heart. Show me your compassionate ways.

“When you soak in God’s Word, the rays of His light invade your body and soul, burning away those things that are not like Him.” Pricilla Shirer

God’s word transforms our understanding. But I must allow that transformation from my thoughts to His. 

Where have I not allowed that to happen? Tell Him.

Father,

Your word brings truth. Your name Jesus brings Light to this world. You bring redemption and healing. You bring mercy and grace. When we wake each day help us to live in a way when we walk out the door you are on display. Jesus everywhere we go. Showing up into the darkness knowing that you lead the way. We are the hope of the gospel. So lead the way Jesus. 

Amen

 

Abide

 Abide

“For his invisible attributes, that is his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen since the creation of the world, being understood through what he has made as a result, people are without excuse.” Romans 1:20

How do we Abide in God’s Presence? 

One of my favorite creations that God made is the ocean. The beauty and majesty of something that can’t be seen where it ends.  The power and magnitude of something that can’t fully be taken in as we stand and gaze at its beauty. 

God created the ocean. We can’t see God but when we gaze out at His creation we get to worship knowing our Creator. He reveals Himself through creation.  Look around and listen as all creation worships Him. Some are silent like the stars and moon and others we can hear like the birds. Looking at His creation all around us is the reminder to listen, stop, and remember. We are His greatest creation. 

Sometimes God gives us opportunities to stand still and observe. I was in the wilderness with over 2,000 women recently camping. I woke up early that day before the sun rose and stood outside gazing at the stars. They lit up the sky like nothing I had ever seen before. No distractions, just the stars over the tents that couldn’t be counted. No beginning and no end of the tents and in them were women who slept. Every single woman God knew them. Even as they slept He was watching over them. 

He abides with us. His constant presence is everywhere. But it will take me standing still and gazing upon His glory and remembering He is always with me. Even when it is really quiet. Even when it feels so distant. He abides within our praises. In that remembrance my response must be a heart posture of praise. 

Look around and see where God is moving. Thank Him and praise Him.